The problem: Baggage
The symptoms: There are many ways to carry baggage, from fixating on a previous partner and feeling no one else ever quite matches up, to feeling insecure about your body or sexual performance. If you find yourself mentally comparing your current lover to your ex and find them falling short, or feel that you must have sex in a particular position that hides your thighs/bum/boobs, it may be time to offload some baggage. Relate counsellor, Paula Hall says: 'It's all too easy to get stuck in the past, but as long as you keep clinging to it, how can you possibly enjoy the present? You need to accept that the past happened and move on. If you're trying to get over an ex, spend time being single rather than looking for somebody else to cling to. It's only when you feel happy in yourself that you'll be in a good state to have a healthy relationship.
'Also, remember, previous relationships you've had ended for a reason, but it's easy to put those rose-tinted glasses on when you're looking back. No matter how amazing that thing was that your ex did with his tongue, he's still the one who wound you up by not doing the washing up, or spending all his time with his mates.
'Finally, if you feel insecure write a list of all your good points and read it every day to help positive thoughts feed into your subconscious. And if your insecurities are down to negative comments people have made about you, remind yourself that insults often say more about the person giving them than they do about you.'
