The problem: Guilt
The symptoms: Even though you read Scarlet magazine, you can't help but feel that being sexual is dirty (and not in a good way). You might find flirting easy but you find it hard to reach orgasm no matter what your partner does. You may feel uncomfortable about receiving oral sex or you could even feel that masturbation is wrong. Another of Scarlet magazine's pleasure aunts, Dr Pam Spurr says: 'Many people, women in particular, feel guilty about sex. This tends to originate in childhood, often through parents or teachers who reinforce the message that 'sex is bad' and not something 'nice girls' do. If so, it can be useful to visit a counsellor to help you get to the root of the problem. They will tell you there's nothing wrong with having orgasms. Practise on your own if you find it hard reaching orgasm with a partner. Vibrators are even prescribed by the NHS in some parts of the country as they're known to be helpful in female sexual dysfunction.
'Feeling guilty can also stem from a thoughtless partner using words like 'nympho' or 'demanding' in a negative context in the bedroom because you have a higher libido than he does. Differing sex drives are very common in relationships and, just because one partner wants sex more than the other does, it doesn't mean that either of them is wrong. They're just different. 'Accept your own sexuality but also realise that your orgasm is not your partner's responsibility. Again, masturbation can work by sating the physical desire but some people crave lots of sex because they want reassurance or an ego boost from their partner. If so, look at increasing the affection in your relationship. A good snogging session can be just as intimate if not more so than penetrative sex.'
